i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
