Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
