you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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