Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
