The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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