Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
