I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm at about main and main street
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
