Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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