WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
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