After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
