I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
