She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
