True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
