My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
