I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
