I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
