He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
