What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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