So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
