I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
