I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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