Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
