you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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