my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
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The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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