Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
