I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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