I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
