i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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