ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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