Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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