what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
