pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
two words...techno handjob
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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