I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
