my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
