There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
