My liver just broke up with me...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
