why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize