If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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