The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
