Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

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(518): View more from New York

I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes

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(613): View more from Ontario

You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

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(845): View more from New York

I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.

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