I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
