I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
