do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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