Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
