I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
