OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
