well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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