Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
