If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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