i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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