my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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