Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
