she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
