It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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