is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
