saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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