Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
