Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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