youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
