i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
