I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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