I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
