somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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