Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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