if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
