I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.