The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
