WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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