By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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