So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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