I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
