My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
