my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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