The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
