you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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