I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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