I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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