I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
