I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
