You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
