Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
