i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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