Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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