my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I skipped work to stalk him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
