and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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