I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
