My liver just broke up with me...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
