Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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