its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
