I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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